Monday, May 30, 2011

Popeye and popcorn procrastination

Strong Arms Robbery.
 I'm supposed to be trying to graduate from my masters program... this week.. and writing millions of pages... but since I am trying to find any way possible to procrastinate... lemme tell you some things that have been distracting my mind....

1. Strong-Arm Robbery is weird. Every single time I hear the word Strong-Arm Robbery (which actually happens to be a lot lately because there are apparently a string of Strong-Arm Robberys taking place here) I think of Popeye with one big strong arm. And someone robbing people with this really strong arm... stealing all of their goods with their bulging bicep... while the other weak arm hangs out trying to help the big strong arm whenever possible. Or like someone who isn't super strong partaking in a Kinda-Strong-Arm Robbery.

2. The instant I ask a waitress what her favorite thing on the menu to order is or her recommendation, I am always mad at myself, because I know 99% that I won't order what she wants (whatta freak, come on... pick something normal girl) and then I will be forced to feel bad for not liking what she recommended and have to do one of these, "Hmmm ya....ok well I'm just gonna go with the salad. The Alaskan King Crab legs that you recommended are 87 dollars so of course you want me to order them. I don't believe that you even like them. I'm really sorry I have now personally offended you. Don't spit in my iced tea when I ask for a refill in 5 seconds. Can you bring me more iced tea? MMhmm thanks."

3. I think popcorn should be a litmus test for ADD. I have to buy twice as much popcorn. And my house always smells burnt. I will always walk away and forget about the first. It will be flaming charcoal hell when I get back to it. The second one I have to stay there. For 2 minutes. And it is the longest. I know I know. Set it for 2. But sometimes it doesn't pop all the way through. Oh my daily woes.

4. Every time I go home my dad asks me how my car is doing. If I were to ever say it was making noise, he would say, "Like what?". And then I would try to make the noise, very embarrassed all the while. And it wouldn't be good enough. Then I would find myself revving and screeching while he's getting frustrated. Right now my car is making this noise that sounds like a cooler with ice in it. This weekend he asked about my car. I said that it was fine because lord knows I can't even try to make that sound. If I could make millions of different car sounds you all should be worried.

5. I am growing a garden. Currently everything is growing except my little Armenian Cucumber. He's dying. I thought if I named him and loved him he would grow. I looked up Armenian names, and he's now Hambo.. which is excellent. Hambo is now growing. What's not growing is my jalapenos (eek word) because something (mexican bug, racoon with a broad taste palate, my cat we kicked out seeking revenge) keeps eating the whole jalapeno every time one starts to grow. I find it odd. I hope that sneeky spicy creature made delicious salsa, either that or choked to death. Sorry.