Monday, January 24, 2011

Monday funday....I mean...

Just one of those days. Didn't even get any tequilla with that worm.

Today I realized I have been protesting my own blog. I think I got bored of myself. Or told myself I had to write more often... and nobody tells me what to do. So I stopped. Doesn't make much sense. Anyway. Im back. Either that or I just am trying to keep you guessing. Playing hard to get. Here are a jumbled unrelated group of thoughts.

1. I have said it many a time. WHY oh why can they not fix that little bit of crusty lotion at the lotion spout!? . We have amazing technology. Man was on the moon a long time ago (maybe not for some of you conspiracy folk). People don't read books made out of paper anymore. A hovercraft being controlled by an iphone hovered in front of me and took a picture of me in brookstone the other day (seriously--while i was in a massage chair). Google maps blow my mind. It seems if we could figure out how to clone stuff, there is some scientist out there who could figure out how to get rid of that lotion crust. You either have to flick it... which is weird... or try to rub it in. Either way its disgusting. I'd rather have crocodile legs.

2. I am thoroughly creeped out by the way the english spell some things. I bought a book in Europe. The word pyjamas is so weird. I feel dirty saying it. It feels so very wrong. And colour? Why? Ugh. What colour are your pyjamas?

3. I love santa barbara. This week it is 70+ everyday. This is fantastic. It is also horrifying. It is supposed to be winter. I went to Europe. I did my own version of Eat, Pray, Love.... but honestly it was mostly just Eat, Eat, Eat....which was fantastic, but I expected to have a little room to budge when I got back seeing as how it was still "winter". I get back and its swimsuit season. Oops?

4.What does "tour de force" mean?  And why is every great movie, person or book described by the critics as a "tour de force". Cut that out people. It means nothing. They got together and made up an absurd term to trick all us non-critics. It's not like you can use it in conversation. "How was black swan?" ..."Ah.. ya... well you know.. it was a tour de force". Tour-de-what-do-you-mean.

5. I find it amusing when you are getting in line for an ATM and someone else is walking roughly the same pace.... and it's a total race. You have to be kinda steady. Can't look like you are trying to hard. At some point you have to do the cut off and just assert your lead a little bit. Oh excuse me, I am much too busy to wait for you to deposit your check (without a envelope for all you Wells Fargo folk--see, totally in the future --its super amazing), I am super important. I can't be bothered. Also, I'd totes win in a speed walking race sucka. Same for grocery stores, except how fast you walk totally depend on the amount of groceries your opponent has. This makes for an even more awkward situation as carts generally have momentum. Oh what? You wanted your hip? Well, I wanted to buy this food for a family of 40 and seeing as how you have an apple and a loaf of bread, I just can't let you go ahead.

6. Speaking of check out counters... checkers should never comment on your food. Trader joes checkers really blow it. 2 real life examples:

Checker: Wow, looks like your having a party?
Me: Ya, inviting some friends over.
Checker: That's great. Your husband must really appreciate that.
Me: Ya, no... I don't have one
Checker: Well... your boyfriend must.
Me: Nope. None.
Checker: Oh well... hmmmm. It's ok. (sad and concerned look in his eyes). Somebody will someday.
Me: Oh. Thanks. (Wahhhhhhhhhhhh!--internal)

Another time:
Checker: Looks like you are stocking up.
Me: Ya, haven't gone grocery shopping in awhile.
Checker: Ya, well it'll last you and your family a while.
Me: No.... just... me.

Thanks Trader Joes for making me want to step out of line and buy a box of chocolate covered jojos and two buck chuck... to be consumed in their entirety immediately

7. It's super embarrassing how much I love Taylor Swifts last cd. It makes me want to post lines on my facebook status like I was 13. I won't. Don't worry. But I want to... and that's bad enough.


  1. Our spellings are the strange ones. Pajamas is actually an indian word I believe, and colour I think is derived from french. some people came here to america and wanted to make the language "american", so they switched it up. simple as that. so while the english spellings might be strange, they are closer to the origins. okay, dork session over, goodbye

  2. I just got the new taylor swift CD and I love it! I also hate the lotion issue too.... grrr

  3. Your posts crack me up. I seriously laughed out loud or LOLed in my living room right now. I needed that! Keep 'em coming, because I relate to everything you write about. (That whole race to the ATM thing?? Hahahahaha. It's funny how often that happens.)

  4. Ummm, #7. SAME-SIES. It's humiliating. I tried really hard to resist her, but that darn little blonde crooner wooed me! I mean, seriously, "I took you matches before fire could catch me....?" Brilliant.

  5. keep em' coming! I die laughing everytime I read one of your posts!