Little Gems: Snobs, Siphoning and Sophonophore

1. I slept in today until 9. I admit it. I am not one of those people ashamed to sleep in. If you are one of those sleep-shamers... cut it out. REM it up. You know the type. If you don't... its probably you.

Sleep shamer: What'd you do today?

Sleeper: Oh not much. Woke up at 9:30. It was great.

Sleep shamer: Gosh (with shameful eyes). I could never do that? Don't you miss mornings?

Sleeper: Oh ya.. (feel guilt and insert excuse about why you were up so late the previous night here)

Sleep shamer: Sometimes it feels like you have wasted half your day!

Sleeper: Totally. (While thinking, "Totally not. If by wasted you mean was comforted by my t-shirt sheet pillow and blissfully dreaming then yes. My day was wasted. And don't worry. I stay up late to make up for that lost half of the day. I won't tell you that either. You shun late-stayer-uppers too.")

Sleep shamer: Ya, it just feel so good. For instance, this morning I got up, went for a run, and scrapbooked for a half hour before work. Can you believe it?

Sleeper: Oh wow ya.. (while thinking "NO. I can not believe it. Really. Why would you ever do that. I prefer the feel of my matress on my bod to the feel of the morning sunlight. Write a poem or something.")

Sleep shamer: You know. You should really try it. You just feel great the rest of the day.

Sleeper: Oh well I mean.. usually I wake up at 6... (total lie to get the sleep shamer off your back. They don't give up until you agree to greet the dawn with a smile)

2. Yesterday I realized an important new transition in the realm of book snobbery. I love reading. I try not to be an ass about it. Book people have a way about making people who don't read as much feel bad. I do it all the time and instantly feel like jackass. I found a new one this weekend... because I did it... and instantly knew it was going to the the 3rd of the standard book snob rebuttals.

-The I'm better than you movie rebuttal

-"Oh hey did you see the new _____movie?"

-"Ya. Ehhh. I thought they did a good job, but the book was way better. You've read it right? Oh? No. Well you should."

-The top ten bestseller rebuttal.

-"Oh have you read the new _____"

-"Oh ya... it was alright. I mean... you know... you expect it. The writing is not amazing... but its.. fun. I can see why people (and by saying this word people you mean to say all other people in the world who don't love McSweenys, haven't read Flannery O'Connor and aren't "working through the classics right now"... and for that who you are so clearly above) would like it.

-The iPad/Kindle rebuttal (the new offense)

-"Oh i just love my new kindle. I just downloaded _____"

-Look of disgust paired with "Really? See.. I just love the feel of books and paper and having a library"

Sorry friends. I'm working on it. I will never do the last again. I will think it every time though.

3. My predictive text is hilarious lately. And who uses these words?

This took 4 tries to celebrate my excitement instead of use a weird word... siphoning and sophonophore (cool band name?). Yep also need to charge my phone. AND come to think of it... have that glass of wine. And some definitions.