What I learned in school today: 3

Funny little animals on a wall in Williamsburg, NY.

SO... school today yesterday was absurd as always. Couple musings...

1. "Heyyyy.. you clean up well."

So, I had to give two presentations yesterday. I'll admit that I picked out a nicer shirt than usual. Nothing too fancy. A  J.Crew blouse (the word blouse gives me the creeps for some reason). Definitely not even slacks (because that word is way too creepy). Some jeans. Flats. Cardigan. I was feeling pretty good... until I got to school. I got the following comments:

    -"WOahhh... You clean up well" (this one I got twice)

    -"Look at you! Little makeup.. your hair done! Lookin good!" (I do my makeup and hair everyday)

     -"Woahhhh who you trying to impress?!" (My classes are almost all middle aged women)

I just want to talk about "You clean up well." This is a backhanded compliment in my book. I get it a lot. What am I usually wearing that is so awful?! Please someone tell me. It's not like I am a lumberjack or construction worker. I don't wear messy/nasty clothes for a living. I'm not a painter. I didn't just meet these people camping. I don't have swim practice with them. The people who generally say this to me are people in my professional life.... where generally I am looking my nicest. So be warned...  if you tell me "Woah.. you clean up well.."....to me it says "You dress like a dirty homeless person most days."

2. Nipple Shadow

WHAT? Ya. I said it. You can't just drop a word like that. It happened in one of my classes. This woman was giving her presentation on a client and was going over the clients medical history and casually said in this fashion, "His charts show history of diabetes, a nipple shadow, and potential liver damage from previous alcohol abuse." Ummm.. what. You just said nipple shadow... like it was a cough... or like he had an ingrown toenail on his left big toe. Clearly I immediately burst out laughing and continued to do the stifled laugh/red face/cry for the rest of the 10 minute presentation trying sooo hard not to. Which makes it worse. Because 5 minutes later in attempt to hold a laugh I let out the weirdest noise and the whole class stopped and looked at me.. and all I could muster was a, "sorry.... nipple shadow." Which was weird. And immature. Really blowing it in class. By the way.... a nipple shadow is real and hilarious. You bet I googled the crap out of nipple shadows. It literally is the shadow of nipples on a chest x-ray... but they have to put it in the charts because like 3% of the time its lesions in your chest. Bahhahaha. How embarrassing to have a nipple shadow on your chart? Seems like the medical community made up a hilarious joke.

3. Harry Potter as having early onset severe Paranoid Schizophrenia

So in class yesterday I had to give a half hour presentation. The assignment was to present a fictional adolescent character with a case conceptualization, diagnosis and treatment plan. So... I say to myself. Hmmm.. fictional character... that's someone out of a movie or book. FALSE. Everyone else in my class did fictional characters as in... I made up this case about "Carmen Ramirez"... but she is really one of my clients. I did Harry Potter. I reasonably diagnosed him with Paranoid Schizophrenia.  My proof/reasoning. To make things worse... my professor had never seen Harry Potter. Great. Yes, yes I am 25 years old. I swear.  

Sidenote: I love HP. I know that he is magic. I know he doesn't have a mental disorder. 

4. "So... Queers huh?"

I am in a multicultural clinical skills class. Our topic yesterday was about how to be a "queer ally". I have great friends who are gay. I have people in my family who are gay. Love them. I am an ally.  I have no problem with gay people. BUT... suggestion number 7 on our "How to be a Queer Ally" handout says, "Bring up queer topics in conversation". Hahhahah. I get what it means. It means don't be scared to talk about the issue of homophobia, etc. I'm fine with that. Love it. How it is worded is absurd. "So.. I would like to transition in to talking about some queer things now..." 

Peace up. Nipple shadow. A-town down.

Stuff that's working for me...

So.....ok... I find a lot of stuff funny and I CAN be kind of a cynic about life a bit. I did intend for this blog to be stuff I like too. So... in order make sure people still want to hang out with me and quit saying "are you gonna put this in your blog?" every time they say something absurd.... here is some stuff that's working for me lately:

 I love Elsies because they serve poptarts and kettlechips with a beer. Genius.

 I really love my job at Phoenix House and Mountain House. Both are beautiful locations. Here is a sunset when I was there the other night. I never feel like I am working there. I really love it.

 My house that is now decorated with Christmas because my roommate

and I are going to be gone lots of December.  Come over. I love having people over lately too.

 I love my christmas pajamas. They are ones my cousins have too. I love  opening my christmas pajamas every christmas eve. This year I may have to wrap/unwrap my own christmas pajamas and wear them... wherever I am. These glow in the dark. That's fun.

 I love David Sedaris. This book is hilarious. It's written from the point of view of animals having human interactions. Love it.

 I love these flowers. They were 3.99. They make my room happy. 

 I love this Keel's simple diary for my life right now. I used to journal a lot and then it felt too heavy for a bit. This is a page a day and it just asks you really silly questions about your day. Its fluffy. I dig it.get it here

 This is painted by a kid who has autism that I worked with. He doesn't talk much but he's a very brilliant artist. He paints AMAZING things. his gallery. It's so awesome.

There was a super cool video about Andy Irons memorial paddle out in Hanalei. They took it down. Hopefully they put it back up. BUT... here's some cool pics. If they put the vid up again I'll for sure post it.  

 I love Crush Cafe. On my breaks at Phoenix House I walk over there and grab coffee. Or granola. Or all other things delicious. crush cafe

My cousins band, Warpaint. I really love them. Not because she is my cousin either. I love this video. Its floaty and beauuuutiful. 

http://kissssing.blogspot.com/

I also love this. It's a love blog. It's pretty.

Anyway. That's all for today. Hopefully those give me enough juice for a couple more weeks of sarcasm and people being able to talk around me. Ha.

Storm Silver Metallic

An extremely hilarious ad attempting to make the fit look cool. It's not. But still love the little guy.

First off, I want to begin by saying I drive a Honda Fit....color: Storm Silver Metallic. This is slightly embarrassing. It is shaped like a nose. Or a baby mini-van. My dad decided he was going to buy me a car... which was nice. BUT he gave me 3 options. A fit. A scion (toaster style) and a yaris. Clearly the three weirdest cars he could find. I chose the lesser of the three evils. He then told me he was going to get me one in the burnt orange color. Dodged a bullet. The lord blessed me with a silver one showing up on the lot the same day. I laughed out loud the first time I test drove it. The fit is growing on me though. We have laughs together. Some laughs/thoughts about cars:

1) I was leaving a parking lot the other day and pulled behind a line of cars. It took me about a full minute of waiting for the cars to pull out before I realized I was waiting behind cars... that were parked. I felt embarrassed and laughed a lot. I looked around to see if anyone saw. I never know what do with stuff like that. It's like when you fall and you don't know if anyone sees whether to pretend it didn't happen... or flag someone random down yelling "did you see that??"... because it's more embarrassing if you get caught playing it off. 

2) I'm super uncool when it comes to my car and someone telling me to roll down my window. I always without fail hit the window button to roll down the window behind me. EVERY time. Not smooth cece... not smooth at all. Also... now that were on it. The universal signal to roll down your window... is crank style. Power windows anyone? I think that we should start transitioning in to 21st century people. I don't know what the universal symbol should be though. The index finger and the point down (signifying how you really unroll windows) could be misconstrued very easily. You don't wanna pull up to a car and ask for directions and accidentally have them thinking you are pointing to your crotch or something. Things could get weird.

3) What is it about when you see someone driving the same exact car as you? You feel like you have to acknowledge them. It's like a rule though if its the same color. Why is this? It's like your in a club together. My club is kind dorky (sorry Ryan...). I found myself pulled up at a light next to a storm silver metallic fit..... and we looked at each other... and I did (I'm embarrassed to even say) ... A HEAD NOD. What!??! Like.... a "whats up". Look how cool we are.... in our fits...then I remembered... we were in fits. I have never head nodded someone in my life. And I did it about my fit. Then I had to sit at the light in embarrassment of what I had just done. 

4) Exactly 3 people have hit and run my car while I had been in it. The last time it happened it was an old lady. Then she yelled AT ME to move. What!?!? Excuse me lady. You just HIT MY CAR. Oh well. 

5) Occasionally at the gas station I'll accidentally hit the more expensive gas button instead of the unleaded one and I will get really mad at myself? WHY? Because I just spent 43 extra cents? AH! 43 cents. Now my kids can never got to college and my car might run a little better! Also... I don't like when people casually talk to me at the gas station. I mean its nice and all... but I have a 10 gallon tank. It doesn't take long to fill up. Were not gonna delve in to deep stuff here. And I'll never see you again. The other day a man lectured me about the uneven wear of my tires. In this 39 seconds it takes to fill up my car he made me feel like turning the nozzle on myself and then lighting a match. "You need to get these fixed. Don't you have a boyfriend to do this for you?"... umm actually no.. we uhhh.. ya.."Well..Where's your dad?" ...uhh actually my parents just moved to Hawaii. "Well who watches out for you little lady?"... ummm... Ian... at Ian's tires on Hollister. Thanks guy.

6) I duck when I go in to parking garages. WHY? ALWAYS. The parking garage would have to be like 4 feet high in order for me to scrape the top of my car and head off on the way in. AND I CAN NEVER manage to pull up to get parking tickets out of the little meter thing at parking garages. It's really anxiety  inducing. The struggle of me vs. seat belt vs. distance away from meter vs. timed pressure from vehicles behind you vs. embarrassment of having the open the door and get out and get it ...leaves me needing to pop a xanax from all the stress. Generally it looks like seat belt choking me while trying to extend my arm go-go-gadget style out the window and barely grasping the ticket with my finger tips. Then I lose it anyway.

7) If you have 100 bumper stickers on the back of your car about the NRA, or hating Obama, or trying to save the world.... whatever to you. I can not pay attention to anything you are saying. Pick a cause. And ONE bumper sticker. Maybe two max. Preferably none. If you have something to say you are probably not gonna change the world by bumper sticker alone. You may just further people who don't agree with you to have more road rage. Also ..Honk if you love Jesus. God is my co-pilot. Jesus would have used his turn signal. Got Jesus?Its Hell without him. Jesus loves the hell out of you. The religious ones are the worst. I love Jesus with the best of em.. but for the love... any bumper sticker with the mention of hell... probably extremely offensive and a no go. Nobody is converting because of an offensive uppity bumper sticker. People WILL be more annoyed at Christians though...

8) Please don't get those license plate covers that say "Daddy bought it, I got it". I will have a hard time with you. The other day I saw a guy who was driving like a camry or something with a license plate cover that said "My other car is a Taurus". Hahah. He totally missed the joke. Ummm.... guy you are supposed to pick a really cool car.... not ACTUALLY say what your other car is. Not that the Taurus is the definition of uncool. No worries. I drive a Fit. 

Honk if you love the fit.

What I learned in school today Part 2: Shut my mouth. Jokes unwelcome.

graffiti confusion. I like.

I am quickly learning that jokes in clinical settings with supervisors and professors are not welcome as a therapist. Not only are they not welcome, but they are to be completely ignored. Not only are they to be completely ignored, but you will be looked at like you are an 6 year old alien. I'm learning to hold my tongue to say the least. Clinical Psychology = jokes are bad. In my head...this crap is heavy... you HAVE to lighten it up. But no, the response I get is only a little less of a tough crowd than when Michael Richards went crazy  and dropped N-bombs in his stand up. (That was super crazy of him BTW, what was he thinking, "I have had a successful career thus far.... I want to end it immediately.")

Stuff that hasn't gone over well in the last week:

Class last week: We had just finished watching the most boring movie I have ever seen of a play therapy session with a little girl who had been having trouble sleeping.

Professor: So can any of you recommend anything for a way to help the kid fall asleep?

Alien: (under breath..) ya... tell the mom to play that movie for her.

Professor: Excuse me? (paired with the most serious death stare ever)

Alien: Oh.. uh nothing. Maybe uhhh.. advise the mom on a token economy reward system? (nice recovery points)

Meeting with my supervisor last night. We had finished talking about the kid clients we shared.

Supervisor: Ok cecilia, well I think were done. I don't think we have any other kids together.

Alien: Ya. Im pretty sure I would know if we had kids together. (chuckle)

Supervisor: (blank death stare) Ummm... what?

Alien: Oh nothing. Sorry. Uhhh.. see you next week. 

 Class today. We were reviewing the case file of a girl who ran away to live with her boyfriend in Idaho.

Professor: So what do you guys think?

Alien: Well... what is in Idaho? What part did she move to and why?

Professor: Ummm... Moscow I think.

Alien: Oh.. it seems we have a bigger problem. 

Professsor: What's that?

Alien: Well.... she seems to have actually moved to Russia.

Professor: (blank stare)

Alien: Sorry. Ya. bad joke. Moscow, Idaho. Got it. 

Class today half hour later. We are reviewing a case of another girl.

Professor: (describing the case for 5 min) blah blah.. client comes in presenting with the problem that she has bitten her step dad and made him bleed...blah blah blah. What would you diagnose the client with?

Alien: Well... Axis 1 I would say either maybe Bipolar disorder or borderline personality disorder.

Professor: Any Axis 2 Clinical Diagnosis?

Alien: Yes... Vampire

Professor: (blank stare round 500) What?

Alien: Just kidding. Biting is very serious. I am sorry....

Anyway... back to class for the next couple hours. Definitely keeping my mouth on lock.

SIDE NOTE: Clients cases were hypothetical case vignettes in class and Im not breaking confidentiality. Don't you worry. Also... I can refrain from making jokes during real therapy sessions. I have boundaries... gimme a little credit.

Cece....please dont break the slide!

A colorful collection. Fun ceiling of a bar in NY.

So... I work with little kiddos who have autism. They are some of the most hilarious people I know. Generally this is because they have about zero filter. Some get a little confused.  Today I was playing with one of my kids at his recess and he casually reminded me, "Cece... please do not go down the slide with us. You are much much too big. We all would still like to use it for recess." Thanks. Yes. I was going to the break the giant playground slide with my enormous bod. It inspired me so share a few of my favorite convos over the last couple years.

1) Boy, Age 5.  We are setting up to play candyland

Me: Ok. So which one are you going to be? (pointing to the little candyland men)

Kid: I want to be the gay one.

Me: Oh.. uhh. the green one you mean?

Kid: No CECE! The GAYYYY one.

Me: Um. What does that mean?

Kid: BOY! GOSHHHHH.

Me: Oh. Ummm. You should probably just say boy instead of gay. 

2) Boy, Age 4. I had just walked in to his house

Me: Hey!!!!

Kid: Hey Cece. You look sexy today.

Me: What??

Kid: I like your sweater. You look sexy today.

Me: OH. What does that mean to you?

Kid: You dont know? Sexy means like....precious and beautiful

Me: Oh well thank you. Cute would be a much better word to use from now on.

3) Boy, Age 5. He had just gotten really mad at me.

Kid: Cece... You are JUST SUCH AN IDIOT sometimes (he says while shaking his head in disgust)

Me: Ok. I am sorry you feel that way. You can not say those things though. I would like you to apologize to me and tell me what you did wrong.

Kid: I am really sorry I had to tell you that you were being a real idiot.

4) Boy, Age 4. We were playing dress up at school. He gave me the princess crown to put on and he put on the knight outfit.

Kid: Ok princess. You stay here in the tower.

Me: Alright. Then what?

Kid: Well, you know, then the bad guys are going to come break in and steal you away from the tower.

Me: OH well good thing I have my own knight! Are you going to protect me?

Kid: Ummmm (looks at his kid watch).. no its 8. I have to go to work. Maybe when I get home.

Pretty much everyday is ridiculous. I laugh a lot.

Little of this.. little of that...

Today was slightly absurd for the following mish mosh of reasons:

1) 5 hours of clients bailed today. Literally. 5. The last client bailed as she was walking away from me and didn't know I saw her. I called her on her cell to see where she was going and immediately she anwered and said "Ya, I can't make it today. I'm pretty busy". Hm thanks. I know you made it. Busy walking away.

2) My gym called to  tell me they noticed I'm lazy. I wasn't aware this happened to people or I would have never joined. I felt the need to explain my life got a little messy and defend myself. Ironically my friend and I planned to go to morning yoga tmw. Now I can't bail. Damn. The horrifying convo was such:


-Unknown number calls.
ME: Hello?
Girl: Yes hello. Is this cecilia? This is stephanie from Spectrum.
ME: Oh ya... ummm hi?
Girl: Ya well, I was just calling to check in on you because we noticed you had been doing really well and coming in pretty consistently and then about a couple of months ago you really tapered off.....
ME: Oh ummmm ya I--
Girl: So is there anything wrong?
ME: Oh ya.. no  I just had some stuff going on.. and I uh... Ya well.. I got busy and some things happened so.... ya no.. its...
Girl: Oh ok, so ....you... just...got busy?
ME: Ya.... I just... ya...
Girl: Oh ok, well can I schedule some personal training times for you to come in and we can get you started up again?
ME: No actually. I uh.. I AM starting up again. Well.. uhh.. my friend and I are coming tmw for the morning yoga class!
Girl: Right.... Well Ok then.... well... We hope to see you back around!
ME: Oh okk.. uhh.. thanks?


3) I went to the craft store to get some yarn to knit a new beanie. Picked up a crocheting book because I thought that might be fun to learn too. Quickly put it down after realizing all I was going to learn was how to make my husband look ridiculous.... and like he likes men.

4) Went to CVS to pick up a few items. Did not pick up a few other items such as:

 

Oh true fun. Shoot, I really have been missing out. All this time and true fun merely lies in a peace sign snuggie.

 

Reallllllllly using the term "designer" loosely these days.

 

 Oh the old 19.99 leather jacket in a bag trick. Wait, What?! Two side pockets AND and inside pocket. This must be a dream. Im in. Such a steal... and its usually worth 50 bucks. Suckers.

4) After I recovering from the horror that was CVS I went to get coffee. They were selling this lovely piece of merchandise. Really? What happens in Goleta stays in Goleta? Not even like.... isla vista... santa barbara even? And really? Black wife beater? And really? At a coffee shop? Who buys this.

 5) And last but not least.. I was introduced to this little hilarious gem of a website about the horrors of auto correct on the iphone. I havent laughed this hard in the longest time. My worst auto correct moment was definitely when I was telling one of my friends to come over a couple of years ago. I like to call people goons sometimes. She had very recently come out to me as being gay. The text I meant to send "Come over goon!"... the text I sent "Come over homo!".  Thanks auto correct. Jeez.

And with that I leave you...

Its not me... its you..

Dear Netflix,

We have been together for almost 3 years. I have showed you over and over again which moves I like and which movies I don't like. Sometimes I feel so loved by you because you truly understand me. Thank you for recommending Gigantic and I'm Reed Fish. I loved these. It was then that I first felt you knew me. 

Recently though, I have to tell you that I am growing nervous that you may not know me at all. Have you not been paying attention to me and my likes? Is there someone else?  Have I put too much pressure on you to be something you are not? Lately you have really just been blowing it big time. Today, when looking for a new movie I came across these recommendations, and I have to say... you have no idea who I am.

 

Um. Have you seen the office? Have you seen 30 Rock? Have you seen Arrested Development? They are hilarious. In season 2 of all of these was there some part about the Lost Boys of Sudan coming to America that I don't remember? Was there something particularly heart breaking and depressing that happened in these seasons? I surely can't recall. Is this some kind of a sick joke? You are sick. I dont even know you...

Um excuse me. Just because I didn't WANT to see The Hurt Locker doesn't mean you should try to trick me in to it saying that since I enjoyed a silly Zooey Deschanel romantic comedy... that I would feel the same about a super serious war movie. Jeez Netflix. Trickery? I thought we were above this...

 Um, are you doing drugs? Where were you last night even?

Alright, were done. I want to see a documentary on the torturing and killing of innocent dolphins because I like laughing out loud constantly at how ridiculous Tracy Jordan is? I want to see baby porpoises slaughtered because I find Liz Lemons boyfriends to be some of the best characters ever made? Thanks. Now you are just trying to upset me.

It seems like you have some explaining to do. I hope we can work this out.... because I really do like you. Please try to be better about this. We all have misunderstandings, but you are crossing the line.

XOXO,

Cecilia