Thursday, November 4, 2010

Its not me... its you..

Dear Netflix,

We have been together for almost 3 years. I have showed you over and over again which moves I like and which movies I don't like. Sometimes I feel so loved by you because you truly understand me. Thank you for recommending Gigantic and I'm Reed Fish. I loved these. It was then that I first felt you knew me. 

Recently though, I have to tell you that I am growing nervous that you may not know me at all. Have you not been paying attention to me and my likes? Is there someone else?  Have I put too much pressure on you to be something you are not? Lately you have really just been blowing it big time. Today, when looking for a new movie I came across these recommendations, and I have to say... you have no idea who I am.

Um. Have you seen the office? Have you seen 30 Rock? Have you seen Arrested Development? They are hilarious. In season 2 of all of these was there some part about the Lost Boys of Sudan coming to America that I don't remember? Was there something particularly heart breaking and depressing that happened in these seasons? I surely can't recall. Is this some kind of a sick joke? You are sick. I dont even know you...

Um excuse me. Just because I didn't WANT to see The Hurt Locker doesn't mean you should try to trick me in to it saying that since I enjoyed a silly Zooey Deschanel romantic comedy... that I would feel the same about a super serious war movie. Jeez Netflix. Trickery? I thought we were above this...

 Um, are you doing drugs? Where were you last night even?

Alright, were done. I want to see a documentary on the torturing and killing of innocent dolphins because I like laughing out loud constantly at how ridiculous Tracy Jordan is? I want to see baby porpoises slaughtered because I find Liz Lemons boyfriends to be some of the best characters ever made? Thanks. Now you are just trying to upset me.

It seems like you have some explaining to do. I hope we can work this out.... because I really do like you. Please try to be better about this. We all have misunderstandings, but you are crossing the line.



  1. we just started netflix and all of my suggestions are little kid movies because we watch clifford the big red dog and diego all day long. Netflix does not know me.

  2. honestly, i read this and was laughing so hard. hilarious. and then i read your other two posts and cracked up evn more. love it.

  3. i hope youre watching snow white right now.

  4. wait. this is GENIUS! you are genius. netflix is a damn fraud. i'm going to call netflix a HE even. HEEEE has no idea who you are. he doesn't. but i do. and you would LOVE "lagerfeld confidential," "babies," "avenue montaigne," and "new york, i love you."

    f you, netflix. i do that shit fo FREE.

    love you cecil. love this. xoxoxo