Wednesday, November 3, 2010

What I learned in school today

Neato Graffiti/Why my brain doesn't stop racing in class
 So... on Wednesdays I have class 9-9. Generally I glean a little bit of knowledge about therapy....but mostly my thoughts are racing about whether the girl next to me has a secret microphone hooked up to her carrots or whether the teacher knows she whistles when she says her "S" sounds.  Here is what I learned today at school:

1) Kiwi/Green-Apple flavored Halls cough drops should be banned. 
      I was so bored in my last class that I was eating delicious cough drops that I had in my bag from the week before. I had atleast 10 cough drops over the 2 hour period before I read the back of the bag. I know.. I know... 10 cough drops out of boredom is excessive... but have you ever been in a multicultural clinical skills class? Anyway, at about hour two I finally got so bored that I decided to read the back of the bag. First off, how many cough drops you should have: 2. Then the warning in the "other information" section in a tiny bullet point that read "Excess consumption may have a laxative effect". UMMMM hello. I dunno, perhaps 10 is excessive?!? JEEZ. I don't care about your vapor action formula or your ability to cool nasal passages... tell me straight up ON THE FRONT that if I binge eat your cleverly disguised in a super great flavor mentho-lyptus poison that I am going to be sitting in class for the whole next hour waiting for something worse than peeing my pants in kindergarten. Gosh. So far so good. But really Halls? A tiny bulleted point?

2) Everyone knows that when someone spits on your face when they're talking, you CAN'T wipe it.
      WHY IS THIS? I was doing a role playing therapy exercise with a partner and the worst happened and a tiny little spit came flying and landed ever so presently above my top lip. I didn't wipe it, but spent the next 3 straight minutes feeling it on my face. Why didn't I wipe it? Because I didn't want her to know that she spit on my face. Why? I have no idea? It would be embarrassing to  her? Who cares!? Stop being a face spitter! I could feel it burning a hole through my skin and had no idea what she was telling me (probably something traumatic and deep) and a whole three minutes later was able to feign a face itch while ever so slyly brushing of the sick spit. I spent the next 7 minutes pondering why I couldn't have just faced this dilemma and wiped it, laughed about it and moved on. 

3) In other cultures it is culturally insensitive to give a firm handshake and instead is acceptable to provide the floppy fish hand.
      This is the one thing I really did learn in class, but was so horrified that for the next 20 minutes I pondered if I would even be able to hold a therapy session with a grown man who offered me a palm down top of the hand floppy fish grip. I decided I probably wouldn't be able to.  Either that, or I would be tempted to teach him a lesson and give him the shot gun handshake where I grip his forearm with my left hand and shoot him. Sorry, I know it may be cultural, but I don't think I can handle the floppy lady fish every week. Referral please.

4) Passing people on the sidewalk when they are walking too slow is a delicate and carefully crafted art.
      On the way back from lunch I was faced with the problem of someone in front of me walking slower than I could handle in order to get back to class in time. They weren't walking particularly slow. It would have seemed over ambitious to pass him, but I had to do it. It is very awkward. I increased my stride length and speed and passed him. Once passed the slow moving human, you must be careful not to look back, you must be sure to keep this same speed so that they think you walk at this ungodly pace always, and you must do it casually and gracefully so as to not look like an uber speed walking dork. Oh what? This? No I walk at olympic speeds always.

That is all I learned today. Need a therapist?


  1. This reminded me of why I like you so much. You are hilarious.

  2. Thank you for starting a blog. this made my day

  3. funny...well this a challenge?