Why do I....

The dreaded 5 story walk up. Why do I pack so much for trips?

1. Why do I have an irrational fear that the racks when I am shopping are going to poke my eyes out?

I am absolutely terrified and constantly blinking and dodging racks. They freak me out. Wire hangers too. Nothing has ever happened. I wonder what triggered such an oddity. I don't think I have ever met anyone else that has this fear. I did poke my eyeball with a pencil though in first grade. And last year I did get a piece of metal  lodged in my cornea. So maybe just an eye fear? But...I've always had it. Also I have the irrational fear that I am going to sleep walk on to the train tracks behind my house. Morbid AND irrational. I'm a sick sick girl. I have never sleep walked (slept walkededed?) and have no reason to be concerned about this. Nor do you.

2. Why do I always feign interest in the product after I sample something at a store?

Without fail, if I sample something, I will pretend I am somewhat interested in the product. Costco? I'm picking up boxes of taquitos, inquiring how much the spinach dip is, making casual conversation while nodding my head about the benefits of using this fiber based cracker.......when I know I AM NOT BUYING IT. Yesterday, I caught myself doing it without a little sampler person even watching. I was at Lazy Acres (where I lost my keys in the apples for 20 min btw) and I had a little self serve sample of cheese and I didn't like the cheese, but I did a full pick up examination of the cheese for sale. Why? Just in case someone was watching me take the 1 square cm of cheese and so I can show them I am really in the market and not just stealing the tiny cube?

3. Why do I get so awkward when I see a teacher/professor outside of class. 

I keep seeing one of my professors because she drops her son off by where I work. I get really nervous. Avoid eye contact. If she says hi to me I am incapable of making conversation. What is wrong with me. "Uhhh hey! I've been working on that assignment!" WHAT? Why would I say that. AND... I obviously haven't and won't until the morning before class.  I saw an old UCSB professor at Whole Foods the other day and was astonished. Why? Because the man buys bread? Bet he buys butter too..... 

4. Why do I check every time in a show or movie whether the cup they are drinking has liquid?

It bothers me tons when it looks like actors are fake sipping cups. Or like their to-go cup is empty. Why should this bother me at all? It shouldn't... but for the love...can't they just put some coffee in those cups. Water maybe? It's killing me. Or actors, at the very least, try not to wildly gesture with your coffee cup. Everyone knows you'd be spilling everywhere and you're not. And everyone hates you for it. Or just me. 

5. Why do I sneeze at least 5 times everyday when I wake up?

It's true. Ask any roommate. I didn't even know I did it until I had roommates. It's an anomaly. I will not sneeze for the rest of the day and not feel any allergies. But guarantee yourself, if we ever have a slumber party, you will hear my sinuses kicking in to action before my eyes even begin to open. Don't bless me either. It'll get old for you.

6. Why do I hate the cha cha shuffle so much but clap my hands on that one part every time?

You know that song that plays at every dance, wedding, on a cruise 500,000 times. The....right foot two stomps,  left foot two stomps, turn it out one? Well, I hate it. I have done it, yes. But even when I am protesting it and watching... without fail when the part comes on that says "Everybody clap your hands" and then the clap-clap-clap-clap-clap-clap-clap happens..... I'm clapping away like a fool. It's like my arms can't stop. Must. Clap.

7. Why do I keep myself signed up to get Borders/William Sonoma/Barnes and Noble emails that wake me up in the middle of the night.

What is their deal? Seriously the emails go out at like 1 in the morning and I get an alert that I think is a text or something. So I look. Oh really? You woke me up to tell me that I can get 5 dollars of a 345 dollar pan? Thanks? Oh really I can have 20% off of the latest Sofia Kinsella novel? Great thanks, I was gonna buy it at 2:10 am later. And clearly this bugs me so much. And clearly I am incapable of hitting the link on the bottom that will put all this to rest. But maybe I like misery?